I often hear from wives who are willing to try nearly anything to get their husband to change his mind about wanting or filing for a divorce. Many of these same husbands seem quite sure about their decision and some even go so far as to tell their wives that their mind is made up. Still, many of the wives refuse to give up hope that something is going to happen to turn the tide.
I heard from a wife who said: “my husband told me about four weeks ago that he wanted a divorce. Since that time, he has been looking at apartments and he has consulted a couple of divorce attorneys. It seems that he is totally following through. At times when he seems to be in a good mood, I have approached him and begged him to change his mind. We have a wonderful thing going. We have built a life and a family. I am scared of what a divorce will do to my children. I think that my husband is moving too quickly. We haven’t even tried to save our marriage yet. But every time I mention him changing his mind, he stops me cold. He tells me very directly that the divorce is going to happen and that there is nothing that I can do or say to change that. Many of my friends tell me that he has made his point very clear and that I need to just accept it and give up. My mother says that there is always a chance that he will change his mind eventually. Who is right? Is it even possible for him to change his mind about wanting a divorce?”
It really bugs me when well meaning friends feel so willing to make comments which could affect someone else’s life and their marriage. In my own mind, this is very careless. They can’t possible predict the future and what you really need is their support, not their dire predictions. It’s my own experience that yes, it is totally possible for a husband to change his mind about wanting a divorce. This happened in my own life and I have seen it happen for many other couples. Of course, it certainly doesn’t happen in every case. And it often doesn’t happen through luck or accident. Many times, you need not only determination, you need a plan. I will discuss this more in the following article.
There Are Many Reasons That A Man Might Change His Mind About The Divorce: The various reasons that men end up changing their minds are too many to list here. But some common reasons are that he calms down a bit and realizes what a huge (and final) step a divorce really is. Sometimes, he sees some changes in your or in the way that you are interact with one another that he reads as positive or encouraging. Sometimes, he feels as if perhaps he has moved too quickly and perhaps the marriage deserves a second chance. Other times, he’s thinking about the family or about his love for you which still remains.
Sometimes, it is possible for you to get really lucky so that he comes to these realizations on his own. But I think that it’s pretty risky to leave this to chance. It’s my opinion that it’s best to come up with a plan and to set it up that you make it more likely that he will change his mind. I will talk about how to do that below.
Know That He Will Often Change His Mind When He Thinks That Your Situation Or Your Relationship Has Changed: Here is something that you really need to understand. He isn’t all that likely to change his mind if he doesn’t believe that the situation has also changed. Typically, he needs to change his mind about something important – you, your marriage, your problems or your situation – in order for him to change his mind about the divorce.
Often, if you look at the situation objectively, you can see what needs to change. Once this happens, you will need to decide how to change it in the most sincere and genuine way. Because very often, your husband is going to automatically suspect that you are only making changes in order to get him to call off the divorce. So, be very careful and deliberate about what you change. Make sure that you chose something that you can genuinely change for the long term. Because if you can’t, you might only get one chance at this. If he thinks that you are just manipulating him, he is much less likely to give you another chance now or ever.